It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
