I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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