Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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