she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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