TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
