gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
