Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
