I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
