Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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