My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
