i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We are two peas in an std pod
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
