just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
