Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
