I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
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It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
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Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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