Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
