I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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