I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
