Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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