At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
