Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
