Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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