PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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