Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
