Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
