I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
