So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
