actually, I'm a sock model
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
