I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
