She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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