Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
