Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
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I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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