So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
