you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
