wakey wakey hands off snakey
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
