My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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