My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
