We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
