No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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