It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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