dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
did i just pee glitter
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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