Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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