just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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