Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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