Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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