Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
