I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
