I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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