I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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