would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
