whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
