youre lurking in front of me
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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