I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
