So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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