Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
