ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
