Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Randomize
