he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
