ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
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I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
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I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.