So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??