im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.