i cant cry in cvs. not again.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We are two peas in an std pod
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.