Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
