i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
