I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize