the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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