he shaved USA in his pubs
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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