11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize