New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My bed smells like the plague
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
