You smell like a Billy Joel song
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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