I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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