We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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